Old and Young: A Practical Defence of Age Gaps

“A woman earns 79 cents for every dollar a man reaps” goes the oft repeated mantra of the surface-level feminists seeking to smash the patriarchy with an 11 cent pay rise. The reasons behind this figure and methods used in its calculation have been questioned since it first appeared, with some seeing it as an example of systemic misogyny and others finding it to be the result of differences endemic to the second sex, whether these be related to maternity, hours worked or time in employment. I however, would not consider myself brave enough to tackle this issue with much certainty and so I shall not endeavour to bolster or debunk the gender pay gap meme. The purpose of this article is instead to focus on one inhibiting factor in the financial circumstance of women that is not one that can be fixed through affirmative action programmes or wage redistribution. That factor is of course maternity.

In the UK women are granted 52 weeks of paid maternity leave in law, this has contributed to employers being understandably more hesitant to hire women of typical childbearing age. After all, what use is an employee to takes her salary yet does not come into work? The average age of a mother has been steadily rising in the UK since the 1980s and currently stands at 29.8 years old. As this continues to rise, as does the demand for costly and stressful IVF treatment as the natural reality as that women are at their physical and reproductive peak in their 20s — whilst it is certainly possible to have children into your late 30s and 40s, it is recommended for a woman who wishes to have 2 children that she starts at 28 at the latest. Entering into her 30s a woman is also presented with the increased risk of complications in pregnancy and birth defects in the child.

So the premise of my suggestion is as follows: should a heterosexual woman wish to have children through natural means, it would be more beneficial to her to have them with a partner who is older and more advanced in his career whilst off-putting her own career ambitions until a later date. Controversial amongst my more progressive, girl-power-loving associates, I know.

When I discuss age gaps here I do not mean to refer to those 20 year age gaps which can yield generational divides that may weaken a relationship, nor do I even refer to a difference of 10 years (though this is acceptable), instead I would suggest between 3–5 years of difference is optimal for this situation. This is because where a woman finds herself in the best biological position for having children in her mid-twenties, the average salary also grows the most between the ages of 20 and 30 meaning that a 25 year old woman with a 30 year old partner has the benefits of sharing an income with an additional 5 years of the fastest growth that man will experience in his life. Included in my suggestion is also not simply boring finance, but also the high time-preference behaviour of the young that sees many put short-term fun before long-term stability. I might suggest the sensible age of 22 to get most of this out of one’s system — leaving our hypothetical woman with 3 years of settling into a steady job (naturally with time for r&r still retained) and building a more family-oriented relationship with her partner. By the time our couple have their first child there should be a foundation on which to raise this child that will allow the mother to take maternity leave (perhaps longer than is legally required) without the risk of total financial ruin, and would allow the father to take paternity leave from his job having built up savings and enriched his CV. Going into her 30s the mother would be able to send her child to school and resume a career during the day, though her career ambitions have been off-set this must be balanced with the maternal ambitions that are a pre-requisite for this arrangement.

I will briefly address the strange notion that parents should not have to choose between a career and having a child. Firstly, I have set out that both are entirely possible to balance, however sacrifices will have to be made if you wish to have a child, this is simply the reality of the situation. You cannot expect to take home a £30,000 a year salary without providing a service in return and so there is always a compromise to be made in this situation.

Another potential suggestion from opponents of my proposal may be “why don’t women focus on their careers and then find younger men” and I think that is also perfectly fine, unless you want children. By the time a woman is earning enough to have laid a strong base for a career as well as built up adequate savings and income she will be entering her early 30s (or even later depending on the career path) and her male partner, 5 years her junior, will be working at his peak output in an attempt to secure the necessary pay-rises and additional income to provide for a family at that point.

It is also no secret that women mature earlier, physically, emotionally and socially. Where I have suggested the time to stop living the Apollonian life of relentless partying is around 22, one only has to speak to a 25 year old man to find that they remain remarkably boyish by this point and may still be juggling the essential ‘sesh’ with their work. A 30 year old man on the other hand has learned that he cannot expect to have enough savings to raise a child on if he spends £80 a night, 3 nights a week. It’s no secret that people typically become more conservative (small c indeed) with age, it is less that being progressive or socialist is completely immature and more that one is more prone to be more sensible and conservative (retaining a small c) with their own finances by 30.

I won’t keep you much longer. After all these are merely the ravings of a degenerate madman in no financial position to be raising a child. However, if you take one thing away I hope it to be this: when you find yourself made uncomfortable by a relationship with an age gap, be it 5, 10, even 20 years, ask yourself if they are in a better position than yourself. Are they happier? Are they wealthier? Have they started a family? These three things are so often linked and if you challenge your preconceptions with a little rationality you might find yourself less perturbed by the preferences of others. Oh how progressive. Have a lovely day!